So, i'm in the middle of semester three now and there were too many things that I had experience during my twenty years and ten months of living on earth.

This is all based on my prespective.

1. You should never put a 100% trust on people even your friends.

2. Never fully rely on your friends.

Trust and Tolerance

Warning: Bad words alert!

Some said she was nice

Some said she was too damn nice

But was she really being nice without a price?

Of course she was expecting something

She treated others nice so that others would treat her the same way

She tolerate with them so that she could live a better life

A life that she desires

Without pain and shitty misbehaviour.

Some said that it would be better to accept than to tolerate

But would she do that if her dignity was at stake?

If it was worth it then of course she would sacrifice for it

For she is a human girl who craves for love that is so passionate

Attention and affection is a lonely girl's dream.

Just when a fool dropped by to fulfill his victim's wish

A tsunami of shitstorm came and wipe it all away

Luck was on her side but she did not knew

That the fool's plan wasn't just a few.

Her heart wrecked more than Miley's ball

She would move on but would still stumble and fall

She should realize earlier and stop acting weak and all

Because her life wasn't worth to be tossed around like a beach ball.

Now she knew that trust cannot be found

Particularly from the people around

Especially the most innocent can still be lethal even if he acts cute or could be wearing a gown

But don't you worry dear self, as you are the bitchest in town!

-Me.

Tomodachi

I was randomly being tossed to a university as I had known no one. NO ONE. But my fate wasn't that bad, I only recognise a single soul that was probably being victimise as I am.

Being in Tadika Raihan, I learned to make friends, first friends in my whole entire life.

Moving to Taski Abim, I managed to make more new friends and few of them was also transferred to the same new kindergarden as I was going.

SSP. It was like a mini reunion of Taski Abim, except, we weren't united haha. Everyone only became friends with their new classmates. My first primary school friend was Zoe Wong Li Yin and that was my first ever chinese friend. 

It was funny that I shooed my parents home on the first day of standard one, (I was a coward mouse when I was in kidergarden) so that I could peacefully make friends with this girl. I even had recess together with Zoe and her mother! *insert laughing + tear-eyed emoji*. I remember that she was very clingy with her mother even when they were attending their taekwondo clases (they were brown belt and I was only white at that time if i'm not mistaken).

Standard Two: Hing Li-Syuen & Seri Sarah Syaiha

Standard Three: Ainaa Sorfeena & Sayidatul Sakeena

Standard Four: Nik Nur Aishah

Standard Five: Nur Syafeeqah

Standard Six: Nur Asyiqin (actually we were friends long before this)

*might not be accurate

**there were more but i can't seemed to remember their names (and i call myself a friend)

***ramai lagi eventhough ingat nama but too long to write heheh

Sriaman. This is what you call a massive reunion although we still make new friends from SK Kg. Tunku, KJ, Assunta, etc..

This is the place where I met my craziest, lamest, cheerful, goofy friends.

I have no idea why, but girls are known to be dramatic, emo and all that sort of stuff but I have NEVER EVER experience any of those when I was in secondary. It was either we were agreeable to all sort of stuff (eventhough we were pissed off sometimes, but fights never happened) 

Or

We were too focused on our interest (tumblr, blogs, celebs, manga) to even talk about reality that is happening around us.

KMPk. Mini Sri Aman hahah. My roommate was also my exschoolmate. What more could I ask for? Although I wasn't really comfortable with my classmates actually, because of the different background, cultures. That's why during lectures, I ran off to Jannathul's and Davina's class :D

UTHM. More different cultures. No mutual interests. Was left behind all the time. No quiet but having a crazy mind going on at the back of their heads (probably). I was at my lowest at this point in my life. I felt like there are no such thing as clingy, heart-to-heart, 2am going wild and crazy friends anymore.

But as time goes by, I have found them. Thanks a lot for this gift Allah. I am very greatful to have wonderful friends once again although they are not the same as my school friends, but they are quite similar in certain ways.

Three years later, after meeting most of my Sri Aman friends that I last met at school, I realised that even though we haven't talk for a long long time, we still managed to turn back to our old self, our childish self during school that was buried with new personalities that was created after we had part our own ways after school life.

The best feeling was cherishing our old memories (mostly embarassing ones) which will automatically turn your face red or having a slap on your face by your own hand by impulse. This is what you call cringing, ladies and gentleman, boys and girls.

Messed-up mind

Right now at this particular moment, 'dream big' or 'future pondering' doesn't apply to me anymore or am I the problem here because I don't dare to take risks anymore. Whatever I plan doesn't seem to fall into place or wait, i don't think I have ever planned anything lately because I just tend to go with the flow because everyone else seems better at planning than I do. So why would I ever interfere with their great plannings? Who am I to mess with their plannings? What the heck am I talking about? What plannings? 

My future plannings that is. Both long and short terms. Long plannings tu serahkan kat Allah je la memang I won't know what is ahead of me and I do pray for the best. Ya Allah please give the best for me, amiin. Short plannings ni bengang sikit. Nak buat benda banyak je benda tak jadi. Nak pergi sini sana pun tak jadi ke postpone ke. Memang la aku ni pun pemalas tapi bila dah tiba-tiba rajin tu pastu mood spoil lagi la terus merudum semangat tu. Pastu urghhh rasa macam banyak je dosa ni sebab tu tak tenang kot. Dah tau salah pun still buat dosa. Haih. Ni lah manusia memang tak lari dari buat dosa ni. Tak malu ke nak mintak taubat banyak kali pastu buat lagi. What the heck man. Saya pendosa sejati. Fullstop. Pray for ME.

Semester TWO

Semester Two.

A new journey has began.

People started to notice me more often.

I felt more appreciated.

Fights were even more clarified and occurred frequently.

I understood my standings and what I should do.

I learned how to control and react to certain situations wisely.

Learn from mistakes.

Sometimes it is best to become a wallflower.

Mornings

When you open your eyes

Your blurry eyes started to adjust to the light

When everybody woke up but left you alone without might

You struggle and slither to make yourself wake up

Alone you went to the bathroom

To take your shower

And you know the cue

Dress, check!

Books, check!

Biscuits, story book, ear-pods, purse, tissue paper, check!

And now you are ready to go!

Alone you walk down the stairs, down the pathway, through the alley

You saw a bus

But it wouldn't be necessary to board it

So as usual with your red clown walking shoes

Step by step your legs took to reach the destination

You sat at your normal seat (among strangers) in class

It would be a delightful moment if the person beside you smiles at you

Or even talk to you

Because that would mean you would have just spoken your first word of the day! 😄👍

-Lone Ranger

Witness of the Moment

When all the people passing by

Some said hello and some said goodbye

Grimaces on their faces

Expressions being expressed

Painted on their faces

With colours of wonder and joy

Or sad and sorrow

Happiness is a treasure 

Which everyone desire

Young or old

Weak or bold

Whoever you are

Wherever you're from

Whenever it is

When bits of bliss and joy is in your hands

Grasp it tight and don't let go

Because you'll never know

When suddenly in a blink of an eye

Everyone you love are not by your side

Loneliness will crept in

And be your next best friend

By then you will regret for not cherishing

The moments you had

With your loved ones

A sorrowful life might be hiding behind a smile

But that is what a judgemental person does

All they do is judge judge and judge

Because we never know

What lies inside the mysterious heart

Of a human being

-Me

27th October 2014

University Life (My POV)

University - Friends - Relevance?

My university life was a hell of a roller coaster ride. Despite being absolutely free on weekends and at night [unless when a bunch of assignments suddenly fell down from the sky on the eleventh hour (this attitude of mine still haven't changed since secondary)].

I have absolutely no idea what I learned in class, honestly, (well, most of the time). I would blame my eyesight for that; although I am wearing spectacles, yet I still can't see what's written under my nose (exaggerate, obviously).

When I first got my UPU result, I was shocked because I did not even apply for this course and I had to think deeply whether I did even put this university as one of my choices (apparently I did, as the eleventh out of the twelve choices T_T)

"I don't even know what I'll do if I enrol in this course", I thought back then.

But the course itself proved me wrong, I know what this will lead to after a lot of Google-ing and consulting with my family and friends. I gained motivation to pursue my studies in this course but the only thing I lack was a friend. "HOW COULD I NOT EVEN HAVE A SINGLE FRIEND I KNEW WHO GOT THE SAME UNIVERSITY AS ME?" It was like a deja-vu, the feeling came on hitting me like when I got my PLKN 'invitation', 'congratulatory result' *eyes rolling 360 degrees*. I know I should be grateful and proud because there are some of my friends who did not get a place in IPTA. I do feel sorry for them and I realised that it was all about luck (and rezeki) that matters.

Soon after, I found out that I actually got a friend who got the same university and the same course as mine! Me, being myself, as I can't live without a person I know, contacted him (wait, I mean who would actually let the chance of dragging a friend of yours through hell together with you? *smirks* I mean that's what friends are for, right? :D ) and persuaded him to enrol into this course together. I was quite worried and almost lost hope when he said that he might considered for an IPTS T_T, but luck was on my side once again and he finally decided to pursue his studies on the same track as mine, hoyeahh!

-----31st August 2014-----

Celebrated merdeka day at KK's house, family and neighbourhood gathering, reminiscing old photos, captured new family photos, farewell, sad stuff, fireworks, packing and dozed off in worries of tomorrow.

-----1st Sptember 2014-----

The day has come. The beginning of a plot-twist of my life. Packing finale and wallaaa~ I'm in Johore. LUCK was on my side again, my room mates were all in the same course as mine. This semester woudn't get any better. Everyone was the same age as mine, and I hope everyone could get along well. I WAS SUCH A LONER BACK THEN, and I craved desperately for a friend and my first female friend was a girl who her bed was the closest to mine. 'She seemed like a decent girl', said my judgemental self as we were shaking hands, after her mother told us (my mother, grandaunt and I) that her father had left this world when she was fourteen. I felt sorry and pity for her and that statement had made me burst into tears (secretly) when I bid my dad goodbye as he wanted to wait for my mum and grandaunt in the car while they helped me settled in my room. I was too busy dressing up and preparing myself for the event they planned for the orientation that I did not send them off properly. On the bright side, I managed to get distracted from spilling more beads of tears like I did at matriculation (muhahahahahaha, that was embarrassing. I did not even shed a single tear when they send me off for PLKN pfttt *eyes rolling*).

So, the one and only female friend I had was my room mate and although she had a schoolmate who clings to her every now and then, I still cling to her like a lost child with wide puppy eyes. I did met some new friends who was supposed to be in the same class as me. They even walk around together and even have meals together but me, being myself, chose my room mate over my new friends because I thought that I should nurture this friendship because we are room mates so it is easier for us to see each other (are you kidding me, I see you almost every single hour of the day, not that I did not like it but uhh.. you'll see why).

I really appreciate this friend of mine a lot because she is not selfish with informations. Without her, I would be lost in many aspects; how to buy books from seniors, availability and alternative courses, events and clubs.

Unfortunately, every good thing must have it's consequences. 

As days and weeks passed by, an incident occurred which involved in members' participation in a group work.

I saw her leaving the room with her laptop and some books and she told my other room mates (except me) that she was going to sleep at her friend's room to do some work. The next day, after I had finished my class in the morning, as I was walking back to my room, I met her on the road and asked her where she was going, and she said that she was off to do some assignments. As I was back in my room, I switched on the laptop to start off with the video assignment that we had to do. Little did I know that my friend had went off with her friend to do the video assignment that we were supposed to do WITHOUT TELLING ME. I mean, I was FREE the entire night! Probably I was watching some random videos or Attack On Titans anime at that moment. I thought that we, room mates, should have an advantage on communication but no, I was wrongly proved.

Honestly, I had to say it was partly my fault because I did not participate in the Whatsapp conversation they had but so was her!! Her phone was disabled at that time, I understood her situation, but how can she knew what was going on but not me and the other group members. The worst thing was they said that they had nearly done the video without our help (which of course I felt bad because I did not contributed any) but no -_- I was being lied. Again. They were nowhere near done and I had to complete half of the video which was supposed to be done by me and another friend but she was off busy with her Japanese quiz whatsoever, and so I had to do it all by myself and I did that in a mere couple of hours -_- 

That was when I realised that being the victim of the truth was painful, and I despise liars.

To Be Continued...

Semester ONE Break

~Bismillahirrahmanirrahim~

It's Two-O-One-Five!

I'm Twenty Already :'D

My birthday went pretty well on the road, yeah yeah.

I am very sure that my 5 weeks of 'holiday' are definitely not enough for me to carry out my plans that I had in mind during my whole first semester of my degree programme.

Yeah as the Malays had said, 'Bagi betis, nak peha', but that's not the case. I tend to 'procrastinate' to do my desired task; knitting, finishing off my stack of unread novels, baking, cooking, unpack (should I even do that?).

It has almost been 3 weeks since I got back home and, gosh, haha what have I been doing? Sleeping is the most essential thing to do, of course, not until my dreadful eyes give signals to my brain for the umpteenth time to stop straining them in front of the screen in the dark.

The bad thing is, whenever I sleep, the world goes black and before I know it, it is already morning and I know that it is time for me to wake up. Sadly, some demon had put glue on my bed before I went to sleep that night and it took me few more hours of sleep for me to actually loosen myself from the (imaginary) glue :P

Holidays may be vary to some people but who cares. My kind holiday is staying at home, probably surfing the net or watch some dramas, movies, shows or anime on my bed (or wherever, doesn't matter, as long as I get a strong wifi connection); I couldn't be more happier.

Also, I feel like a very important person now in my family as I can, ehemm, drive 

*insert confetti* :D

So far, I haven't travel out of my housing area yet but I shall soon *winks*

Wishlist:

*I wish emoticons exists in Blogspot*

-could express my emotions better with that heheh

Okay, enough of my journey of 'Semester One Break', now I shall talk (type) about "MY LIFE IN UNIVERSITY" (urghh)

I guess that word in the bracket sums up quite a bit of what I am about to write in my next post.

Hopes: To hang out with my friends more often because, me, being home, is a rare opportunity once I start with my next semester =.=